Christmas gifts purchased so far: 0. But there is a tree, albeit still tied to the top of the car. How do I manage, every single year, me, the planner in chief, to reach this sorry state of affairs? Maybe I am at the age where I would just want to wish the holidays away…or maybe it’s the ridiculously warm temperatures that don’t exactly scream “It’s Christmas”. May you have a productive weekend.
Tag: Life after 50
Let’s talk about love. Let’s indulge our thoughts on one of the sentiments that fills our lives and gives meaning to our days, on the myriad opportunities we have to fall in love as we go through the motions of living. Not romantic love, necessarily. If we are lucky, we experience the heart-fluttering kind only a handful of times over the course of many decades.
Reading now the posts I wrote about dealing with breast cancer two (short) years ago, a few things jump out: the willingness to keep my fears at bay through rationalization; the unashamed request for support and a desire to process what was happening through writing. Most of all, though, what transpires is a request not to be seen as a victim, as sick or damaged. I was holding on tightly to the sense of who I believed myself to be.
I know what a wildfire looks like. I know how it smells, what color it lends to the sky. I know the burning sensation in the lungs when the air is so saturated with particles to render breathing impossible. I know what it tastes like. I am familiar with the agonizing decision, edging bets, on when to evacuate.
Hot flashes are the least of menopause. You will want to drive a knife through your heart; you will want to leave your lover, no matter how much you have loved them. You will feel as though your life is over, because it is. You will realize for the first time that your whole life people have looked at you because you are a woman and people look at women – but now, suddenly, you are invisible. But then something magical happens: