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My funny (vaguely terrifying) Valentine.

Posted in Life & Love, and Relationships

enhanced-21187-1391634119-12One of the strangest Valentine’s cards I ever received, featured a small weeping collie dog with a watermelon body. The watermelon had a heart carved in it and was dripping pink juice down into a puddle on the ground. The sentiment read: “Valentine, when I think of you, I get a little melancholy.”  Bloody hell – a little melon collie? Who came up with that?

My ‘boyfriend’ was protesting me being away on Valentine’s Day. And had gone to great lengths to have the card delivered to my hotel in Germany, along with a pair of strawberry flavoured (so said the label, you have to know I never tasted them) edible panties and a jar of raspberry chocolate body paint (which resembled congealed blood). “Jesus, that is just weird”, was my German colleague’s reaction, when I excitedly opened the package at the lunch table: “Who the hell are you dating … a serial killer?”

Sadly for my beau the relationship was over minutes later as I flushed the whole shebang down the hotel toilet. I just couldn’t see my libido coming back from a shock like that. I bumped into the fellow many years later on my rounds of European Festivals and we had a chuckle about it: “I thought it was funny”, he said … “you know, your sense of humour is a bit off …”  Mine, seriously?

So, in memory of my Italian suitor – whose efforts probably got somewhat lost in translation – I thought I would share with you odd, amusing, in appropriate and downright creepy cards from years gone by. Happy St Valentine’s Day, y’all.

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(All images found in the public domain.)

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  1. Oh my, those card are so terrifying, they are hilarious. The story also cracked me up – wow!

    February 17, 2014
  2. Happy Valentine’s Day Campari and Sofa!

    February 14, 2014
  3. Well I never! Gotta say I think I would have tried the Nutella and strawberry combo…oh, just once, I have a very sweet tooth! Happy Valentines!

    February 14, 2014
  4. Wow. These are creepily funny. Hard to believe children used to have them!
    Edible panties…yikes!

    February 14, 2014
  5. @winstonmoreton

    We didn’t “have to know” but totally understand your wish to make sure we do. Not funny or romantic at a business lunch. Non proprio.

    February 13, 2014

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