I have just seen myself in a film piece made about an event I attended, and had to shake my head. Granted, everyone else in the video was probably 20 years younger than me – but damnit, I looked old. And tired. And like I need a facelift. I am so glad I am not an actress of a certain age, or in the public eye. Having seen myself on film like that made me understand why Meg Ryan has turned herself into a kewpie doll. And she started off beautiful.
Then, to add insult to injury (love that phrase), Jasper told me that my hands look like Voldemort‘s “but without the nail varnish” and I found last week’s 5am wakeup call, long day of driving and a flight at the end – a total wipeout. I slept for 9 hours and woke feeling like I had been drugged. I’m still tired. Two drinks will put me to sleep and my fantasy evening, nowadays, involves putting on stretch pants: and sipping a cocktail as I watch a double feature of Masterchef Australia.
This morning I read an article written for people a couple of decades older than me – and laughed at how many of the points already apply to me. Nothing I can do about it – or my hands.
The Perks of being Over 70
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run – anywhere.
4. People call at 9am (or 9pm) and ask: ‘Did I wake you?’
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now will never wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 6pm.
9. You can live without sex – but not your glasses.
10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
11. You quit trying to hold in your stomach: no matter who walks into the room.
12. You sing along with elevator music.
13. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
14. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
15 Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
Aah well. Think I’ll have a cup of tea and a nap. Now, where did I put my glasses?