Skip to content

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and you will receive our stories in your inbox.

Things that drove me nuts this week …

Posted in Life & Love

victormeldrew0410_468x493
Richard Wilson as Victor Meldrew

There is a genius BBC series called “One Foot In the Grave”.  The Hero: newly retired, a little lost and continually having to deal with idiots – had a catch phrase: “I don’t belieeeeve it”. If you have never seen this series, I beg you to seek it out – it’s genius. Funny and a little sad too. Anyhow, I realised this week, that I have become Victor Meldrew.

And here’s why:

Scented candles in glass containers that burn halfway down and then form a little well around the wick – which won’t stay alight anymore because it keeps drowning in molten wax.

So you dig around, trying to figure it out – only to make it worse. So much for the 50-burning hours promised on the box. I guess this is built-in-obsolescence at it’s most irritating. Don’t blame us if the wick falls out of your industry. I’m buying those cheapy dinner party ones from now on and spritzing the air with my perfume.

People who deliberately walk out in front of your car, when you are travelling at 40-miles an hour.

Giving you that: “And, what are you going to do about it?” stare – as you scrape your face off the airbag. What I am going to do about it is hoot loudly and repeatedly in your stupid eardrum, you idiot. And know, that one day soon, someone won’t stop. Who’ll be crying then?

Broadcasters that change episode times/lengths without alerting the faithful

I lost out on the final half-hour of the forever-finale of my favourite soapie because of this and there were NO repeats. Just rude and inconsiderate. DSTV, you could have put a little tag at the end of one of the previous episodes to alert me. Now I will never know what Itumaleng said to Marang after Maxine came back from the dead and stabbed him on his wedding day.

2012_9$thumbimg124_Sep_2012_121028599-ll
Itumaleng Tladi – Nkosi of the Tladi Clan

Women in flat sandals who drag their feet ‘schlapp schalapp schlapp’ as they walk through the shopping centre.

What is up with that – can’t you hear how annoying you sound? You have five toes – pick-up your damn feet or wear shoes. I am going to schlapp one of you, one of these days.

Fruit and veg that are rotten inside – and you’ve only just bought them.

So you pack it all up and schlep back to the supermarket with mangy mangos and putrid peaches only to have an assistant say: “Did you buy that here? Can I see your receipt?” No, I didn’t buy it here. What I did was rummage in a bunch of dustbins until I could put a package of vrot fruit together, then I jumped in my car and raced over to see if I could wing it and score a freebie.

People who sit on the sofa in my favourite coffee shop, reading mags: and never, ever order a coffee.

Or worse – bring their own … I kid you not. The guy had a flask of homemade. And, to add insult to injury – he used the free milk and sugar provided by Seattle Coffee Company. When I said to him: “You have got to be kidding me”, he moved his head from side to side and hissed: “This is a public space, I can do what I like”.  The coffee went to work and presently he had to go to the bathroom: ‘please, keep my space’, he asks me. “Oh, suuure”: I reply. And promptly gave up the sofa to a couple of fierce-looking gay gals. Hah … do what you like with that, sucker.

And lastly – seeing that fixing the self is the first step in fixing the world:

My inability to put my house keys somewhere I can always find them.

Have I got some psychological issue around this? I am driving myself insane. Answers on a postcard please.

(Images courtesy of BBC and DSTV – found in the public domain.)

Share on Facebook

17 Comments

  1. I hate the dragging of feet as well. And those damn Ugg boots that people schlep around in. We recently moved from the West coast to the East coast and I have to tell you we were shocked, SHOCKED, at how much nicer and happier people are here. Still shocks us when we go out and about.

    Fun blog to read, thanks! 🙂

    April 17, 2013
    |Reply
    • Fabulous to hear … enjoy the East experience!

      April 18, 2013
      |Reply
  2. Omg, the fruit and veg thing. Especially with raspberries. They can turn from fruit into blobs of red mush within a millisecond of leaving the shop. Or the ones on top are fine but when you take them out, the ones underneath are growing mould. Raspberries are not to be trusted, I tell you.

    April 14, 2013
    |Reply
    • The WORST offenders. Skulking little buggers – and if you don’t notice that one of them has mould on it – you whole fruit salad tastes off.

      April 14, 2013
      |Reply
  3. Totally related to the rotten on the inside fruit and never remembering where I put my keys!

    April 13, 2013
    |Reply
    • Isn’t life full of weird congruencies!

      April 14, 2013
      |Reply
  4. Love Victor Meldrew….. and there was another series which would fit with this post “Grumpy old women…” I am just the same…… join the club 😉

    April 13, 2013
    |Reply
  5. Thanks for that rant, you said exactly what I wanted to say about almost the same things but I just didn’t have the stamina to do it! BTW you could do a lovely pictorial story on the different kinds of key holders available – from Lego to Alessi inspired ones and in the process you could find the one that suits you best and install it right by the front door. (Of course you still have to learn to hang the keys up as you walk in the door).

    April 13, 2013
    |Reply
    • I have a bowl to put them in … yet somehow they end up in the kitchen if I am carrying groceries, my office if I am carrying work stuff, on my bed if I am carrying drycleaning.. then there are the challenges presented by the trellisdoor that needs unlocking to let Jack out. But it’s my mantra for the week – bowl the keys.

      April 14, 2013
      |Reply
  6. silvia
    silvia

    Why don’t you put the keys where you keep your shoes? Don’t think you go out without neither of them.
    Hard week sweetie?

    April 13, 2013
    |Reply
    • An annoying one sometimes … but all good. My love – with all my shoes – I would NEVER find my keys again!

      April 14, 2013
      |Reply
  7. …oh, and time to start wearing your keys around your neck, together with the reading glasses (those are the ones I constantly misplace)

    April 12, 2013
    |Reply
    • Have you seen my bunch of keys – even more unbelievable that I continually misplace them.

      April 13, 2013
      |Reply
  8. How is it that with my devotion and attachment to the Beebs I never stumbled upon on “A foot in the grave”? I running to open my Netflix right now. Wouldn’t love you if weren’t a funny crank from time to time

    April 12, 2013
    |Reply
    • Oh you must – right up your street.

      April 13, 2013
      |Reply
  9. That was quite a lively rant. Feel better now?

    April 12, 2013
    |Reply
    • Heh heh heh … thanks for the laugh Kate

      April 13, 2013
      |Reply

Got some thoughts? We would love to hear what you think

%d bloggers like this: