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Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Posted in Aging, Health, Style & Travel, and Women's issues

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The Playtex Ad campaign. I love a good pun.

On my only blind date ever, I met a very nice fellow called Colin.

A friend had set us up because she thought we had a lot in common and…. “You know, who knows?”.  Colin was 10 minutes late and arrived in a red Ferrari which he revved loudly a couple times, before parking it right outside the restaurant door. My heart sank. Apart from the cringe-inducing car, my date was wearing skinny jeans and an apricot Polo shirt with that huge black horse logo (both of which fit him more than a touch snugly). As we shook hands I heard his collection of gold bracelets chink chinking over his pink gold rolex. He was also about 5’4″ and sported a spray tan.

All of my lady bits quailed.

We weren’t for each other – something we discovered very quickly (the man drinks vodka and coke with Italian food, I’m tall, not blonde and a few decades too old) – but I did like him a lot. He was self-made, funny, had been around the block a good few times and irreverent. Over dinner I learned all about being a middle-aged man who dates strippers and party girls. Easy, fun, uncomplicated – but a hollow place to live. Colin told me that “young girls these days don’t have sex, they do porn”. And he wasn’t sure of the last time he really brought a woman to orgasm … as the playacting that went on between his sheets made Meg Ryan’s climax in “When Harry Met Sally” seem understated.

I asked him if all this fakery and effort wasn’t a bit tiring for a man of his age .. “nah, I’ve got my pills. Besides, somebody’s got to do it, might as well be me”.

Another thing he told me is that he “hasn’t seen bush in a decade”.  All of the women he had bedded were either Hollywooded or Brazilianed … with the girls from the Balkan states being partial to a bit of vajazzling (which he found bewildering … “those swarovskis get stuck in your blerry teeth”). Thank God we had finished eating.

camparigirl tells me Bill Maher recently moaned that he can’t understand why women don’t get rid of pubic hair completely: “Who wants to be faced with a vagina that looks like Cornel West” (a reference we won’t all get – so here’s a pic.) If that’s the only alternative Bill has – I see his point.

Cornel West - the hair alternative to a Hollywood
Cornel West – Bill Maher’s hairy nemesis

Maher came under criticism recently for only dating black women, to which the shiny domed one responded: “People say I’m into black women. Robert De Niro is into black women. I’m just into women who are real, and they happen to be black.” And hairless, apparently.

I wonder if Bill shaves his genitals, and has his butt waxed … there should be some quid pro quo for his ladies.

I’ve tried both extreme waxing options and found them too ‘full frontal’ for me. Besides, I don’t want to look like a pre-pubescent girl – especially with a 50-something lala. And, as my friend Janey once pointed out – without hair to guide it, any escaping digestive gas is directed up front … and that we can all live without.

ad-pecker-640x868But, girls on poles everywhere swear that hair-free is the way forward: insisting it is cleaner and healthier. Who knows what sort of problems they must have been encountering – but Playtex were listening. And have just introduced Fresh + Sexy “intimate wipes” for our pre- and post-coital cleansing needs. Think baby wipes, but for sticky sex stuff.

They saw a gap in the market and have filled it.  A bit like Colin.

(images courtesy of Playtex and from here. And this post wasn’t sponsored … we just thought the ads were funny.)

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6 Comments

  1. Hey Becca – they are from the US … I found them trolling around the internet somewhere. Love a good pun. S

    March 21, 2013
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  2. Great post and where did you find the ads? Were they in the US? Anyway, I’m a big fan of hair down there, albeit tidy. The first time I tried going Brazillian, I got creeped because to your point, I looked prepubescent and wondered why this would turn on my boyfried. I’ve tried other shapes like the landing strip, but I always found it made my hips look bigger. Then of course I had a baby via C-section and found that a neatly trimmed fur triangle was the perfect camouflage for the scar. Of course I could try to Swarovski myself but all I can think of is ouch!

    Becca

    March 20, 2013
    |Reply
  3. silvia
    silvia

    That was sooo funny, GREAT piece sofagirl!
    And Playtex campaign really smart.
    I don’t understand this much ado about having it shaved and I think that one of the reasons men like it is because it brings back childwood reveries, you know when they were playing doctor and nurse discovering maybe for the first time their genitals.
    I only did it once and it’s not for me and by the way who says that hairs means dirt?

    March 14, 2013
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  4. Oy. This discussion – although not quite going THERE – took place at Derfwad Manor

    It is odd for someone who came of age in the ’70s when it was considered to be liberating to let our armpit and leg hair proudly wave – to enter into this brave new world where women are pressured into keeping their pubic area in a juvenile appearance.

    I am glad, as a post-menopausal woman, that my body hair has so diminished that I don’t even need to worry about shaving. The only place I have unwanted hair is on my upper lip!

    Let’s not even talk about a**hole bleaching!

    March 12, 2013
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  5. Well that literally had me screeching with laughter. Fabulously written! The ads are brilliant I agree and I’m sure those wipes work perfectly, (although it all seems a bit clinical) but seriously I think foufounes, like bodies parts that have reached a certain age, are best kept covered.

    March 11, 2013
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