Two bits of news amused me about the Oscars this year – one that they are now officially going to be called “The Oscars” rather than the Academy Awards (I hope that means the recipients are no longer forced to thank the Academy for voting for them. Something I always find more than a little creepy. Isn’t the Academy’s job exactly that? To vote for the best movie, director, actor etc?) . And secondly that Barbra Streisand would be there. The notoriously demanding Miss Streisand insisted that the entire road trip in her new movie “Guilt Trip” (which includes a visit to the Grand Canyon) be shot within 45 minutes of her Malibu home. So I wondered how they persuaded her to make the trip to Hollywood.
Babs sang ‘The Way We Were”, during the tribute to Marvin Hamlisch (a good pal of hers) and acquitted herself and her new visage rather well. Her outfit was just bizarre. “A doily short of a disaster” as we say in sofafamily. The dress had all the right credentials (black to hide bulgy bits, sparkly to reflect light, off the shoulder to show her … shoulders) – but Barbra didn’t have Coco Chanel on hand to remind her to: “Always remove one thing before you leave the house. Less is more.” So she piled it on – gold bits dangling everywhere – neck, ears, arms, fingers, arms and fingers together. Her hair was gold, her lips, eyes and nails were gold. And then there was that slave collar. Maybe it was hiding a seam?
She must have heard that Dame Shirley Bassey was reprising “Goldfinger” for the Bond segment. And decided to get there first. Or to give her the finger. I’m not sure. Either way it did her no favours. The less said about what The Dame was wearing the better. But, Shirls, Tutankhamun’s mummy called – she wants her bandages back.
There were many standouts -both glorious and just plain sad: but my favourite of the evening was Sally Field who wore a red wedding dress. Or a cotillion dress. Or a Victorian nighty. Any which way it didn’t work. One can only hope she is now getting the assistance this cry for help deserves.
So here we have it campari&sofa’s night at the Oscars 2013. We present you with