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Is Porno the new Green? Isabella Rossellini thinks so.

Posted in Life & Love, and Relationships

p-1.php camparigirl:

Science, in all its high-school incarnations of biology, physics and chemistry, was never my forte. Even the teachers were resigned to this girl, who was extremely skilled in the humanities – but showed utter disdain, if not downright contempt for the composition of cadmium and the organization of the solar system. Reading Shakespeare in my free time bought me a lot of goodwill and no teacher was willing to ruin my average.  So, for five years, I skated by in all matters of science.

As I was watching video after video of Isabella Rossellini’s round face and paper puppets running through the minutiae of snail mating, hermaphrodites in the animal kingdom and courtship among ducks, I wondered if it would have made a difference if Ms. Rossellini, who was a journalist (and a quirky one at that) before becoming an actress, had come up with this unusual presentation when I was still in school.

I am fairly confident that her talk of sperm, vajay positioning and of God being silenced by a snail-like creature explaining why she needs a seat on Noah’s ark, would have caught my 17-year-old imagination.

Green Porno as alternative to text books? Now, there’s a thought for our struggling school system.

sofagirl:

My friend Carla has some words she just can’t bear hearing. One of them is underpants. She cringes and shudders, and tries to flee the room. I’ve always found her reaction a bit odd, but hilarious. And love throwing one or other of the words into conversation when she is least expecting it. Not anymore … Isabella and her animal copulation videos have put the kibosh on all that. Now I get how Carla feels … squirly.

Rossellini, with her strange Teutonic-Italiany accent, showing us puppety scenes of salmon ejaculating, makes me want to slam my computer shut like I’ve been caught watching porn at work. As to her female spider saying: “vy are you lifting ma butt, vy are you  …mmm mmm mmm, dat feels niiiice”.  Eeeuuuhhh – can’t be doing with all this.

None of it is live action.. and all of it is done brilliantly, with very basic puppetry and cut outs, home-made sound effects. Nothing is in bad taste and the films are under two minutes (reportedly the amount of time most people need whilst watching a porn movie). They’ve won awards world-wide and been praised by animal-rights groups. So I have no idea why I feel so uncomfortable.

But, hearing Izzy say huskily: “I will tweest my body do get do her genital pouch bud first I weel clean out her vagina to make sure she only haz ma babies”: whilst watching images of a pipe cleaner ferreting around in green satin dragonfly puppet’s vajay, just makes me nervous. Not to mention meeting the masturbating dolphin. Or the earthworm who “defacates from his anuz” and needs to mate with another hermaphrodite “een da seexty nine position”.

One of the comments on youtube says: “if biology lessons at school had been more like this, more people would have learned more about animals”. Not me, son, I would have been cringing in the bathroom.

I’ve been trying to understand why I am being so squeamish. Maybe it is the juxtaposition of cute creatures and porn. Like cartoon characters having genitals. Or maybe it is a combo:  Isabella the puppets, the costumes, the red lips, her happy smiley round face, the words, the accents and the disturbingly odd rubbery squishy sounds the animals supposedly make.

Any which way I look at it, it’s a Perfect Storm – of Awkward.

(Green Porno images and video via The Sundance Channel)

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One Comment

  1. I am officially speechless. I thought you were kidding until I watched the videos. Wow. I simply don’t know what to say except I never knew…about Isabella and the dolphins!

    February 13, 2013
    |Reply

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